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1999 NFL STANDINGS

BASED UPON THE AUTHOR'S INTERPRETATION OF THE PROPHECIES OF NOSTRADAMUS!!)

PREDICTED FINISH

AFC EAST

AFC CENTRAL

AFC WEST

NFC EAST

NFC CENTRAL

NFC WEST

1ST

MIAMI

JACKSONVILLE

DENVER

DALLAS

MINNESOTA

SAN FRANCISCO

2ND

BUFFALO (WILD CARD)

TENNESSEE (WILD CARD)

SEATTLE

N.Y. GIANTS

TAMPA BAY (WILD CARD)

ATLANTA (WILD CARD)

3RD

N.Y. JETS (WILD CARD)

BALTIMORE

KANSAS CITY

WASHINGTON

GREEN BAY (WILD CARD)

ST. LOUIS

4TH

NEW ENGLAND

PITTSBURGH

OAKLAND

ARIZONA

CHICAGO

CAROLINA

5TH

INDIANAPOLIS

CINCINNATI

SAN DIEGO

PHILADELPHIA

DETROIT

NEW ORLEANS

6TH

 

CLEVELAND

       

 

THE RELATED PROPHESIES

AFC EAST:

The great leviathan yields his domain to another predator of the sea,
Their leader, once abdicated, now triumph in reach.
The Bison's charge is strong, the horse is not,
Whilst the rebellious ones campaign ended on a beach.

Interpretation: The great leviathan[whale] is Bill Parcells. Nostradamus' correctly predicted a great season for the Jets in '98. Not so in 1999. Their schedule is murder and a wild card is a likely outcome for New York. The other predators of the sea are the Dolphins of Miami. Jimmy Johnson, who seriously considered retirement [abdication], has WRs Tony Martin and Willie Green to give Dan Marino some more vertical in the passing game. Add one of the best defenses in the league and you have a 12-4 team. While the consensus does not feel Buffalo [Bison] can repeat their magic of "Flutie Flakes," the team is virtually unchanged from a year ago and the Great Seer sees them finding ways to win once again. The rebellious [Patriots] may have seen their season go in flames after RB Robert Edwards destroyed his knee in a ridiculous beach football game. Nostradamus sees them being a sub-.500 team. Nothing positive to say about the Colts; 5 wins is an ambitious goal.


AFC CENTRAL:

Knights of St. Johns forge a dynasty in a semi-decade,
They will be challenged mighty by the moon of Saturn.
The demise of the blacksmiths, hastened by much exodus,
With older Brown stronger, and younger two Browns with much to learn.

Interpretation: The city of Jacksonville, FL lies on the St. Johns River. Nostradamus reveals how this marvelous franchise has developed into a dynasty in just five years. Nostradamus, an expert in astronomy, identifies Titan, one of the planet Saturn's moons, as the name of the former Houston/Tennessee Oilers. With an excellent draft and key free agent acquisitions, they will produce in their new home of Nashville. The blacksmiths are a reference to the uniforms of the once dominant Pittsburgh Steelers. They continue their disturbing trend of free agent hemorrhaging and are no longer a threat. In fact, a repeat dismal effort by Kordell Stewart could plunge them down to the dregs. The Baltimore Ravens [older Brown] can expect at least eight wins if Nostradamus is on target. The younger Browns are the Cincinnati Bengals [GM Mike Brown, son of Paul Brown] and, of course, the "new" Cleveland Browns. Expect Cleveland to fare similarly to Jacksonville in their first year (4-12).


AFC WEST:

The Mountain warriors dedicate their campaign to the pensioned one,
They fight and conquer through might and assertion.
Only the Sea Birds are admirable in the remaining grouping,
Chieftain, Pirate, and Steed provide feeble exertion.

Interpretation: You don't have to be Nostradamus to predict Denver (the "Mountain Warriors") over Seattle (the "Sea Birds") in the standings. Mike Holmgren may not get it done this year; the QBs (Kitna, Foley and Huard) combined don't get you a Brett Favre. Losing seasons for Chieftain [Chiefs], Pirate [Raider] and Steed [Chargers].


NFC EAST:

There is little to see in this war of buffoons,
Ancient rancheros are barely forceful but that suffices.
The flight of the Phoenix never makes it out of ashes, mired with Goliath and Savage,
The idiot generals have left the foul green wings in crises.

Interpretation: Nostradamus likes the prospect of the Cowboys repeating despite their disastrous showing in last season's playoffs. Though Aikman, Irwin, Smith and even Sanders are up in their years, these aged 'boys will win the east. The Great Seer has little expectations that Arizona [Phoenix] is going to make a run. With a real tough schedule outside the conference and poor off-season moves, they will never prosper with Bud Bidwell at the helm. Also-rans are the Washington Redskins [Savage] and the Giants [Goliath]. Neither should break .500. The gloomiest prophecy of any team must go to the Philadelphia Eagles. Don't let the false optimism of Andy Reid fool you. He's not up to this task and once the traditional rash of injuries befall the team, loss after loss will leave Eagles' fans numb and wondering, "When do the Flyers play?" They will probably go 2-14, get the #1 draft pick again and screw that one up too.


NFC CENTRAL:

The Norsemen and Privateer leave carnage in their paths,
The Green are threat but not up to this mission.
Ursus is gallant but effort in vain,
Vanquished Leo so corrupted, they deserve all derision.

My Interpretation: No surprise that Minnesota [Norsemen] is going to be top-echelon unit. But watch out for the Buccaneer [Privateers]. Last year the team's offense was horrible, yet they still almost made the playoffs. The offense will be better this year; the defense -- devastating. Nostradamus expects Green Bay to win some, but they will fall flat against the two NFC Central juggernauts. The Bears threatened to win some big games but always seemed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. With Eric Kramer gone, the future is in Cade McNown's hands (and arm). Detroit is referred by their astrological sign for Lion. This team vexed Nostradamus last season, literally doing the opposite of what Nostradamus predicted each week. With or without Sanders, they are going to wish every day was Thanksgiving and wins solely based on the outcome of coin tosses!!!

NFC WEST:

Oh mighty raptors, ye wings of black shine glory.

But The Prospectors demand the return of their treasure.

The Goat and clawless Leopard are pathetic legions,

The folly of the crusaders shall be targets of censure.

Interpretation: Despite another strong season by the Falcons, the 49ers resume their dominance in the NFC West. Never count out the lethality of a Steve Young passing attack. Even if RB Garrison Hearst's season is curtailed, Lawrence Phillips, ex-Eagle Charlie Garner and ex-Packer Travis Jervey can run for big yardage with the excellent 49ers offensive line. And remember, this team cannot be upended on their home turf. Nostradamus sees the rest of the West doing little. George Seifert will have wished he rested on his laurels when Carolina ("clawless Leopard") stink up the field. Dick Vermeil is gone after another dismal St. Louis Rams ("Goat") season. And poor Mike Ditka, he may be a worse gambler than singer. Rickey Williams is going to get his 1,000 yards, but he may have to take 350 carries to get there. Once the opponents see that the Saints [Crusaders] can't establish a passing game, the running lanes will be bottled up tight with 8-man fronts. 

Compare the prophesies to those of the Vegas Oddsmakers!!!