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2006 NFL STANDINGS

BASED UPON THE AUTHOR'S INTERPRETATION OF THE PROPHECIES OF NOSTRADAMUS!!)

PREDICTED FINISH

AFC EAST

AFC North

AFC South

AFC WEST

NFC EAST

NFC North

NFC South

NFC WEST

1ST

MIAMI

CINCINNATI

INDIANAPOLIS

DENVER

WASHINGTON

CHICAGO

TAMPA BAY

SEATTLE

2ND

NEW ENGLAND

PITTSBURGH (Wild Card)

JACKSONVILLE (Wild Card)

KANSAS CITY (Wild Card)

NEW YORK (Wild Card)

MINNESOTA

ATLANTA (Wild Card)

ARIZONA (Wild Card)

3RD

BUFFALO

CLEVELAND

TENNESSEE

SAN DIEGO

DALLAS

DETROIT

CAROLINA

ST LOUIS

4TH

NEW YORK FOOTBALL JETS

BALTIMORE

HOUSTON

OAKLAND

PHILADELPHIA

GREEN BAY

NEW ORLEANS

SAN FRANCISCO

 

THE RELATED PROPHESIES

AFC EAST:

Amorous Aegir leads Delphini above the charlatans within the Orient,
The disheveled revolutionary reign draws to a close.
The senile Bison's stumble from the onset,
Whilst those who fly from the sky face a future that is morose.

Interpretation: Delphini (Latin for Dolphin) is Miami. Nostradamus' predicts Aegir, the Norse god of the sea, will lead Miami to a great season. But who is Aegir and why is he amorous? Well the Vikings prayed to the Norse gods, and Minnesota QB Daunte Culpepper chartered a boat that we all kind of wish we are aboard. If Culpepper stays healthy, watch out for Miami!! The Great seer does not see much from the rest of the AFC East (Orient). Not even rumpled Bill Belichik and his Patriots is given much hope this year. People in New England won't even know as they follow the Red Sox. No one should be amazed that Nostradamus does not feel Buffalo [Bison] will win. With 86 year old Ralph Wilson and 79 year old Marv Levy running thing, Nosradamus thinks the Bills need to stock up on Depends. Nostradamus has nothing positive to say about the Jets; 4 wins is an ambitious goal.


AFC North:

Knights of the riverine Queen forge a dynasty after years of serving as jester,
They will upend the armored King who fell off his steed.
The new lakemen return to respectability,
With old lakemen will seldom lead.

Interpretation: The city of Cincinnati, OH lies on the Ohio River. Nostradamus reveals how this franchise has built a dynasty after years of buffonery. His prediction (I think he thinks Cincy can win the AFC) hinges on 2 things: 1) Carson Palmer staying healthy and 2) the entire Bengal team not ending up in prison. The armored king is an obvious reference to the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers -- But wait, maybe he means Ben Roethligsberger, who actually fell off his Kawasaki "horse." The only chance Pittsburgh has is that they have the same cast of stooges from the Super Bowl officiating all their games. But another Wild Card is likely. The new lakemen are the Cleveland Browns. Nostradamus guarantees that they will win 8 games and Kellen Winslow Jr. will be on IR. The Baltimore Ravens [old lakemen as they were the former Cleveland Browns] can expect no more than five wins if Nostradamus is on target.


AFC South:

Steeled by twin tragedies, Equus will assert his dominance of the austral lands,
Their man must overcome his fear.
The Lynx will also taste sweet blood,
The son of Saturn remains unsteady and the cattlemen will hear a chorus of jeers.

Interpretation: The Colts will be back. Nostradamus reveals the twin tragedies (Coach Dungy's son's passing and the horrendous loss to the Steelers. Nostradamus singles out Peyton [Man]ning needing to overcome his fear for Indy to get to the next level. As there are no Jaguars in the Old World, Nostradamus refers to Jacksonville as the Lynx. He sees another Wild Card showing. Son of Saturn is Titan. Tennessee and Vince Young are not expected to do much. You don't need the great prophet to know the Cattlemen (loose reference to Texans) will stink out loud. By eschewing Reggie Bush, the Texans decided that they would rather lose every game by a score of 35-3 (and save a few shekels) instead of 38-28


AFC WEST:

The Mountain warriors renew their march,
Brave chieftains fight with great resistance.
Lightning strikes seldom at the new river,
Corsairs hang from a distance.

Interpretation: You don't have to be Nostradamus to predict Denver (the "Mountain Warriors") and Kansas City will be atop the standings. Nostradamus sees David [new River]s will not fare well, resulting in Ladamian Tomlinson getting stuffed by 9-man fronts. Another losing season for Corsairs [Mediterreanean Pirates or Raiduhs].


NFC EAST:

The greatest field marshal returns to lead the savages to the pinnacle
By proxy, they capitulate the younger man.
One traitor destroys three armies,
Failure of the raptor and great star through his hand.

Interpretation: Nostradamus likes the prospect of the Redskins taking the East, thus giving ol' Joe Gibbs another title (Ol' Foreskins must be elated at Nostradmus' revelation). It won't be easy for Washington. He believes that Washington and New York (Younger Man = Eli Manning) will tie in the regular season, but the Redskins will gain the title by tiebreak (proxy). The Great Seer points his finger at Terrell Owens [The traitor] and sees that Dallas will be the next team to suffer from his misguided agenda. The gloomiest prophecy must go to the Philadelphia Eagles. Don't let the false optimism of returning to the 2003 form fool you. They are not up to this task once the traditional rash of injuries befall the team. An 8 and 8 season will leave Eagles' fans numb and wondering, "When do the Flyers play?"


NFC NORTH:

Ursus leaves carnage in its path,
Leo and Oden are game but not up to this mission.
The verdant hurler throws errant spheres to the the wrong army,
The team of legacy so corrupted, they deserve all derision.

My Interpretation: Chicago will recapture the NFC North. Last year the team's offense was horrible, yet they still made the playoffs. Their offense has to be better this year; the defense -- as usual -- devastating. Nostradamus expects Minnesopta [Oden] and even Detroit [Leo] to win some, but breaking .500 will be a stretch. The team vexed most by Nostradamus last season were the Packers, literally doing the opposite of what Nostradamus predicted each week. With either Favre throwing picks or Aaron Rodgers bumbling around, they are going to wish every day was the Ice Bowl!!!

NFC SOUTH:

The Pirate and Falco wage war in the heavens,
One may be the ultimate Victor.
The vulpine leads the favored to fall,
Citizens of the deluge will cheer the dictator.

My Interpretation: This quatrain is full of mixed messages. But you can clearly see that ampa Bay and Atlanta will be the top teams. The second line either means one of the two will win the Super Bowl or Michael Vick[tor] will bring Atlanta to the top. At first, there is no reference to the Carolina Panthers, who most everyone espects to contend. But Nostradamus instead cites the Vulpine (Latin for Fox, as in John Fox) to not fare well. The last line is an obvious reference to the city of New Orleans. But what could "dictator" mean. First I thought FEMA, and FEMA works for the government, and Nostradamus figured that a man named Bush leads this government. However, it will be Reggie, not George, Bush who will give the Saints fans something to cheer about (see Houston Texans).

NFC WEST:

Oh mighty ernes, ye wings of blue,

No law or barrister will deny your quest of the bold.

A surprise in the crimson desert,

With a Comedy of errors for goats and seekers of gold.

Interpretation: Erne is a sea eagle. And it looks like ol' Nostradamus loves them Seahawks. Could they return to the Super Bowl. Not only yes, but Nostradamus predict Seatlle will win the Super Bowl. First of all, Nostradamus does not think the trend [law] that the team who loses the Super Bowl will fail in the following season. He accuses barristers (lawyers or referees) of stealing their emboldened leap into the Super Bowl. While Nostradamus sees nothing from the 49ers or Rams, he actually thinks the Arizona Cardinals will actually win some games this year. Yeah, Nostradamus, you and a million others always pick the cardinals to do good, only to see yet another 50-11 campaign.